A Lesson from an Unlikely Source

A Lesson from an Unlikely Source   

Daniel Pink is currently one of my favorite authors, and I’ve spent many hours this past week diving into “A Whole New Mind: Why Right Brainers will Rule the Future.” I could easily take the time here to discuss the six components of right brain functioning that us humans can focus on to improve performance, satisfaction, and meaning in our lives. However, I’d much rather tell you about my experience with one of the numerous activities he outlines in the book.

Just like a good student, I was ready to do the homework of my new learning. In this particular assignment, Pink suggests going to a news stand and selecting 5-10 magazines that you would never read, much less purchase. One goal of this activity was to discover any sense of harmony, or connectedness, between that particular field and that of my own.

So, on Saturday, I trekked to the local Barnes and Noble bookstore. I had the entire day to myself, with no time constraints. This allowed me the freedom and ease to take my time with this exercise.

I browsed the men’s section first. Guns and Ammo—that’s definitely new to me. Bass Angler—also right up there in odd. (Seriously, I killed the only fish I had as a pet, and can’t even stand the smell of fish. As I write this, I find it odd that my favorite food is sushi. Ironic). Anyway, Inked, a magazine for the beautifully tattooed, Southwest Art, and Railroad Press were also added to my pile.

Being the holiday season with lots of holiday shoppers, I tucked myself away back in the kids section. I’m small enough to fit at the tables, and the people who pass through this section rarely stay long. It was the perfect space for my reading exploration.

To my surprise, each magazine offered lots of points of connection with my line of work—teaching and writing about ways to reduce stress, increase energy, and live on purpose.

My favorite connection is what I will share below, and it comes from none other than … (drum roll, please) … Bass Angler! And, it wasn’t really a writer’s wisdom that inspired me so much as the mere information about the feeding habits of bass themselves.

To put the article in context, this particular writer was explaining why during the week you can often have ease catching fish. Then, come competition on Saturday, find it incredibly difficult. The source of this inconsistency—the flow of the current.

That’s right. The bass feeding habits depend on the amount of current in the water. When the current is stronger, in cases when more water is flushed through dams to produce power during the work week, bass have a more aggressive feeding style. And, they know how to read the current to allow the food to come to them.

When the current slows down, however, the fish suspend themselves near the stream or lake floor. Essentially, they chill out in a neutral mood until things pick up again.

I think that we, as humans, can learn a lot from bass in how we exert our own energy and intention throughout each day. When the flow of life is high, when you’re in alignment with your goals and it feels like things magically happen, this is the time to take energy. You get to ride the wave of energy around you, and allow your actions to happen with minimal effort.

You’ve probably been there at least one in life, right? Where ideas kept flowing, conversations were easy, and you felt like you were floating through life! Just like the bass, it’s great to embrace this flow and align your energy to it. In fact, this is where we can experience the most progress. The beauty is, that we don’t have to work for it. By the grace and wisdom of the Universe, all things are brought to us in perfect timing.

The bass also teach us what to do when the current slows (since it never really stops). Instead of swimming blindly from one place to another, trying harder to get food, the fish relax. They find stillness. They rest at the bottom until things begin to change.

And we can do this, too. When doors aren’t opening right away, or answers aren’t appearing, it’s time to chill out. Relax. Take some deep breathes. Focus on something joyful in your life, and rest. Often the best thing to do is nothing at all.

And when we do this, we save our energy to produce when the flow starts again. When we find stillness, we have insights on how to do things better in the future, or how to make the most out of a new endeavor. Instead of forcing the answer, we let it come to us. Really, it involves a trust that the current will pick up again. Until then, can we have the faith and courage to take care of ourselves in a more mellow and restorative fashion?

No matter the time of year, no matter  your physical location, or your occupation, we can all learn lessons on how to manage our energy via the feeding habits of bass fish. So, take inventory of where you’re in the flow this week—allowing the natural energy to carry you onward. And, understand that if you’re lying low in another area of life, that’s okay, too. Sometimes the most insightful and satisfying moments in life come from our ability to honor our lower energy levels.

And, in all cases, we can smile, have fun, and enjoy the power that energy has to move through us—whether that is fast or slow!

Kym Coco

Author, "It Just Makes Sense: 7 Principles of a Joyful and Stress-Free Life"

www.ItJustMakesSense.com

www.KymCoco.com

(530) 966-0279

Info@KymCoco.com

a lesson 

Three Wishes

Three Wishes

There are many tales, jokes, and stories that revolve around the concept of being granted three wishes. After rattling this idea around in my head for a week, I came up with the following ideas of my own.

I’ll start with three interesting experiences in my day yesterday. The first insight occurred during my yoga class in the morning. We were in the middle of a one-minute hold in revolved chair pose. For those of you who don’t do yoga, this is where you sit down like you’re going to relax in a chair, only the seat is nowhere to be found. 

Add on to that, a little twist to one side to ring out all of the toxins from your internal organs. Sounds like fun, I know, and I voluntarily put myself in such a position. In the middle of the heat that radiated from my legs, I smiled. This position reminded me that life is full of challenging experiences, ones we don’t like and want to escape immediately. But, often, they are the times that teach us the most. So, I thought, I’d wish that the opportunities to learn—challenging or otherwise, continue to flow into our experience. And, as an adjust to that same wish, I’d want to have the perception to learn the appropriate lessons in these times to move forward with more clarity and understanding about myself and life.

But, as soon as that wish entered my mind, I realized it’s already true. Each of us are offered new opportunities each moment and have a choice to block the learning experience or embrace personal growth, even if it’s uncomfortable.  

Later that day, after I had just finished having lunch with a friend, a young, homeless girl approached us in the parking lot. She looked about my age, with kind eyes that struck an energetic chord in my heart. I didn’t have extra cash on hand, but I had split my burrito in half before eating my meal (saving the rest for my husband), so I offered it to her. My spirit instantly wished that every human could live a happy and fulfilled life. More than that, I’d want everyone to have their basic needs met, like food, shelter, and clothing.

Again, the thought of wishing better for the world is just a perspective. What if we all held the perspective that the world is perfectly in balance right now? With the power of our choice, we have the capacity to share with others. We also have the capacity to shift our viewpoint. Instead of looking at that girl as needy, I could see her clean clothes, her nice hairstyle, and kind eyes as just another example of perfect flow around me. And, when we choose to see abundance in ourselves and our environment, our experiences in life automatically shift.

That afternoon, thoughts about my uncertain future crept into my mind. Like many I’ve talked to over the years, there is a desire to understand our future and purpose in life. We often want to make good decisions now so that we can follow our path and make the most out of our time on Earth. In that moment of doubt about the next step to take, I wished that I had an understanding of the broader picture of my life. I wanted to have control of the outcomes from my actions. But, mostly, I wished that my actions had meaning and that they resulted in deep contentment and joy in my life.

But this, too, is really possible now. It’s not a dream or wish. We can tap into the present moment, into a broader perspective for our lives, when we stop, listen, and understand that any decision now can match the joy we seek. The future is plastic, and when we accept that anything is possible in the future, we can make choices each day with hope and confidence, knowing that we can take charge and make a life that we want.

As a result of my experiences, I’ve concluded that “wishes” are a natural aspect of our thinking. Those ideas of wanting a better world are a natural and innate aspect of our evolving selves. And, those wishes indicate that we desire change.

But instead of sending out a wish into the world, what if we viewed those thoughts as opportunities to choose something different? What if we made a choice in those times to step back into our power, our capability, and our wisdom that is already within us? What if we fully acknowledged our ability to create a new path for our future starting now?

If that were the case, there would really be no wishing involved. We would simply continue to generate thoughts about ourselves and the world, and recognize that in each and every moment we can make a new choice. It’s not a dream, but a reality, that we are more powerful than we could possibly imagine and we can channel that power at any point to live the most incredible, creative, and joyful human experience on Earth. And, I think that’s more than any granted wish could generously offer in my life.

-Kym Coco

Founder of Solution-Oriented Therapy

http://www.solutionorientedtherapy.com/ 

three wishes

Manifestation

Manifestation in Mysterious Ways

Manifestation can be defined as an indication of the existence, reality, or presence of something. In the metaphysical world, it’s a word that is often used to describe something that has appeared in your life—in a good way. And, while those who understand that thoughts precede the physical reality we experience, it can be a joyful thing to tangibly hold, see, hear, or touch something that we’ve been thinking about for a long time.

In my world, the process of manifestation comes down to a simple formula. It’s known as the “I AM”.

Step 1: “I” stands for intention, where you do have thoughts, viewpoints, and visions of what you want in your life. And, we all do this thousands of times a day… by naturally thinking of what we like and dislike in our environment and relationships. When we see things we don’t want, our mind effortlessly begins to picture the opposite.

Step 2: So, once you have those ideas of what you want in your head—or your subconscious mind—you can place your focus on those things to bring more power to them. This is where the “A” for attention comes in. A good example of this is when we recently sold our car here in Florida. The Jeep was going to an ecstatic 16-year old boy. It was his first car, and his mom secretly told us that he had been up all night looking at new stereos, bumpers, tires, and all sorts of upgrades he could add to this reliable vehicle. He put all of his attention on making this car his own… and he hadn’t even paid us in full yet.

Step 3: “M” for Manifestation. This is where your thoughts and focus become your reality—they show up in your experience to enjoy.

However, there is one big tip I want you to keep in mind as you are going through steps one and two of this process—you never exactly know how step three will look! And, I have a perfect story to back this up.

I recently worked on a project with a video team from California State University, Chico. As we were finalizing our footage, I had to make one more trip to campus to approve everything. Now, this didn’t seem like a big deal when I got in my car and headed downtown on a Tuesday morning… That is, until I realized that winter break was over and it was the first week of the new semester!

If you’ve been to college or a college campus, you realize that this is the week that everyone goes to class and most of those people drive themselves to get there. The result—no parking.

So, I set my intention to find a parking spot right on the street by the appropriate building. I was one street away, fifth in line in the left hand turn lane, and I spot a large white truck leaving in a perfect location. I prayed that each car in front of me would pass up this bright opportunity—and I was right.

I scored this sweet spot just steps away from Tehema Hall. Only, as I stepped outside of my vehicle to put money in the meter, the machine was broken. There was no way I could stay here without showing a violation.

Now, my intention and attention came into reality. I had a great spot in easy walking distance of my destination. The caveat was that it was a broken meter.

Instead of being disappointed that this wasn’t what I asked for, I took positive action. I called the school campus information line, who transferred me to the parking patrol, who then further transferred me to the city police. And, sure enough, within a 7 minute phone conversation, I was exempt from a parking ticket and I could still make my 9:30 meeting on time.

My point is this—be flexible to how your visions and dreams manifest into your everyday life. Sometimes they are just as you planned, and sometimes they take a little trust, faith, and action on your part to openly embrace the gifts.

So today, notice your thoughts. Observe what you want in your life, and then turn your attention to that positive direction. Then, be open to the outcome. You just never know quite how good things can be unless you’re open to possibilities beyond your expectations or imagination.

 -Kym Coco

Author- "It Just Makes Sense"

www.kymcoco.com

manifestation 

Wellness

Wellness

Wellness is a broad topic that’s blasting around headlines these days. The focus is often on attitudes, actions, and habits that are designed to keep you with as much energy in your daily lives as possible. 
According to Charles B. Corbin of Arizona State University, wellness is defined as “a multidimensional state of being describing the existence of positive health in an individual as exemplified by quality of life and a sense of well-being.”

While there are many ways to calibrate your level of wellness, there’s one I find particularly helpful. And, the reminder is always with you wherever you go!

It’s your hand.

That’s right! Your hand serves as the template for the various aspects of your wellness, and you can do a check-in with your wellness simply by looking at your five fingers!

The pinky finger represents your physical health. This area encompasses exercise, nutrition, hydration, rest, and the quantity and quality of sleep you receive each night.

The ring finger symbolizes your emotional wellness. 

Simply put, there are two basic kinds of emotions you can experience daily—positive and negative ones. The goal here is to train the body and mind into experiencing more positive emotions on a regular basis to enhance health.

The middle finger stands for your social wellness. You are surrounded by people continually, and you are a social beings. To boost this area of wellness, you want to have people in your environment that build us up, recognize your strengths, and add energy to your lives via relationships.

The pointer finger corresponds to your intellectual self—the creativity you have within to build airplanes or atomic bombs. The question is—to what end do you utilize your creativity?

And the thumb represents your spiritual self, and it’s determined by the values you hold at the core of your being. Not only does the thumb reach out to touch all of the others fingers, but the values you hold here affect every decision you make in the other realms of wellness.

The goal is to be aware of your current level of wellness, and be able to make decisions that move you into a more fulfilling and exciting state for your overall being.

Take this quiz and find out your level of  Wellness today.

-Kym Coco

Author- "IT Just Makes Sense"

www.kymcoco.com

wellness

Gender roles

Gender roles: Male & Female Triangles

Gender roles can be defined by the medical dictionary as “the pattern of masculine or feminine behavior of an individual that is defined by a particular culture and that is largely determined by a child's upbringing.”  Simply put, all of the beliefs, attitudes, and values of that you hold continually affect the way you view life and act within it. This can be especially true for the expectations of male and female roles in relationships.

The limitation of following societal gender roles when looking for, wooing, or committing to a life mate often comes with unfulfilled expectations of your partner. Your ideas might not match theirs, and vice versa.

Instead of having false hopes about how a man or woman could, should or must behave in a relationship, consider the basic principles that make males and females different. This can be seen through the basic shape of a triangle.

Men need physical touch, validation for their words, and to be needed in a relationship. To find out how to boost these male points, and to discover what’s at their core, watch this video:

Women also need loving physical contact to be content. However, they need to feel respected and wanted by their man to keep them at their highest potential. In addition, their core is entirely different than males. Find out what the female core is in this video: 

 

Then, once you have an understanding of how men and women tic in relationships, you can utilize clear communication and positive action boost those differences. As a result, you’ll enhance love, joy, and harmony in your relationship. And, you’ll move far beyond any expected ways of living, being, and breathing as a man or woman, and find the unique path that works for you both to keep your relationship strong and successful.

- Kym Coco

Author- "IT Just Makes Sense"

www.kymcoco.com

gender roles

Thank You, Chinese Bamboo

Chinese bamboo

“You can have big plans, but it’s the smallest choices that have the greatest power. They draw us toward the future we want to create.” –Robert Cooper

I read an article recently about Chinese bamboo. It’s quite an amazing species. Apparently, once a seed has been sown, you only see a tiny shoot for about five years. During that time, a complex root system underground is forming and then, at the end of the fifth year, the bamboo suddenly shoots up to a height of twenty-five meters (or about 75 feet).

While the growing of bamboo might seem like a tedious or boring subject, the concept reminds us of how we are to maintain our passion and purpose as we move towards our vision. It’s the steps we take on a daily basis, the seemingly small choices we make every day, that guide us closer to our goals. And, it’s the attitude we take with us along that journey that keep us passionate about the end result.

This was especially true for a client of mine. He had the vision of starting his own business and moving to another part of the country that he really enjoyed. In the meantime, however, he found himself in a committed relationship with the responsibility to support his partner and daughter. He felt overwhelmed that he didn’t feel like he was on his path… like he wasn’t being true to his vision.

When he viewed the big picture, it seemed impossible and overwhelming to reach his goal.

Instead, I encouraged him to think like the bamboo. The intimate relationship he is in right now is teaching him to be a clear communicator—a skill that will serve him well as he has employees and clients of his own in the future. The leadership role he is taking—a job he is less-than-thrilled about—is adding to his ability to guide others with an ethical and effective practice. And, the patience he is learning will remind him that great success does not often come overnight, despite the Hollywood stories that paint the picture otherwise.

Just like my client, many of us are laying the foundation of our dreams and visions for the future right now. It’s what we do with our thoughts, actions, and relationships now that will determine our capability of achieving those dreams. And, when we feel overwhelmed and discouraged in the face of challenges, it’s especially important to get back to the simplicity of life, like:

· Taking time each day to nurture the spirit within us (taking action that lights the same fire of our dream in the first place)

·  Finding single tasks where we feel in control (a reminder that we are co-creating our future and that each decision affects the circumstances that follow)

·  And, owning an attitude that we are doing the best we can and there is so much beauty in our lives right now

Then, when the time comes to reap the harvest of your vision (whether it takes five years or fifty), you’ll have the tools, confidence, and support to embrace your new circumstance as if it’s been there all along. In fact, it’s been there in your mind and heart all along. 


-Kym Coco
Author of "It Just Make Sense"
www.kymcoco.com

Chinese Bamboo

switching our outlook

Whole-hearted?

Halfway or Whole-hearted?

If you're anything like me, you enjoy watching the TV sitcom Two and a Half Men, or at least their re-runs at this point. The characters are fantastic.The lines are hilarious. And the opportunities for miscommunication are endless.

The best part is, the show is relatable. I'm sure you know someone, like:

Evelyn, who has narcissistic tendencies and thinks everything you say is about them. You also probably recognize people like Charlie and Alan, who argue about who actually has to have a conversation with their self-absorbed
mother.  And, you most likely know someone like Jake, who blurts out the
truth regardless of its appropriateness in the situation.

While the show's communication quagmires can seem awkward and humorous on TV, there is no doubt you find yourself in similarly uncomfortable ones in real life. And, instead of having others laughing at your expense, there's usually an actual price tag attached-one of internal stress.

Halfway or Whole-hearted?

Taking an approach of honesty, clarity, and positivity in your communication
can alleviate that stress. Here are six habits than can generate direct,
positive dialogue in your own relationships:

1.Stay focused on the subject at hand

With so many distractions, it can be easy to be side-tracked when talking to
others. Keep your point in mind, preferably before your thoughts become
words spoken aloud. When you stay focused on the subject at hand, your
listener will be more engaged.

2.Speak in bullet points

This is like speaking in shorthand, although it doesn't have to be dry and
boring. Use flare to keep your listener interested, and allow your organized
speaking manner to enhance the understanding between you.

3.Acknowledge the other person's ideas and feelings

Even if you don't agree with the other person, expressing that you have
heard their point of view creates harmony in your communication. This shows
that you respect them as a person and value the contrast that each
individual on the planet provides.

4.Take your time

With the busy-ness of life, it can be easy to take your fast-paced schedule
into your speaking, or listening, habits. Instead, focus on your
breath-especially the exhales-during your conversations to become totally
present with the conversation at hand.

5.Say what you mean and mean what you say

The goal here is to have your mouth and your gut on the same page, meaning
when you say "yes" to something, you're actually excited. Or, if you decide
to decline or disagree, you can feel equally comfortable in your own skin.
Using first-person phrases, such as "I feel" or "I think" can allow you to
speak truthfully, and let your actions match your heart and words.

6.Develop rapport with your listeners

Rapport means harmony. Check in with the pace, intonation, and body language
of those you're communicating with, and then subtly match them. This creates
trust at the subconscious level of all parties involved.

Halfway or Whole-hearted?

 

If you're a perfectionist, you probably want to tackle all of these habits at once. This tends to go against a common sense approach to life. Instead, find one habit that you feel most strongly about, and start there. That way, you can approach your communication with a whole-hearted effort at understanding and clarity, instead of a half-way attempt to remain present.
 
Direct, positive communication is a life-long endeavor. And, thanks to our
natural social tendencies, you'll have plenty of opportunities for practice.

-Kym Coco
Author, It Just Makes Sense www.KymCoco.com
whole-hearted